Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
