I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
