You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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