Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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