where am i from again
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
