the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
