feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
