well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
