The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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