im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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