yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
