she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
