Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
