I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I think I just sharted jello shots
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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