Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
