If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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