Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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