I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
