I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
