its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
