I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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