I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
