dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
