im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
