jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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