It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
