addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
