OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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