It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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