His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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