Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
