she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
