i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
where are you?
Hypothermia
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
