you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
