i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
