Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
