The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
