she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
