There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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