So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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