And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
