is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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