She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
