So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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