Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
