i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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