im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
