you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
