remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
