Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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