I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
