the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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