Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
