He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
