New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
